


In Space

by SarahBug



Series: Rae. Larger Than Life. [1]
Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: A little fluffy, Body Image, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Kind of AU, One Shot, Self Confidence, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Acceptance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-22
Updated: 2014-02-22
Packaged: 2018-01-13 08:40:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1219813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarahBug/pseuds/SarahBug
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rae is lost in a sea of doubt and her own self-hatred. Finn is just trying to pull her out of the water.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Space

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this before S2E2 so maybe this could work after as well? I also had no beta, so all mistakes are my own (and I'm sure there's plenty of them.)  
> I've loved this show since the first episode and I've always felt connected to Rae. I haven't written a work in probably a year, so I'm rusty. But I felt so much inspiration this just kinda happened. I have more in mind and hope to finish those soon. Thanks for giving this one-shot a chance.

We weren't even looking at each other. I, with my bright green lingerie, sat on his bed, staring at his floor, connecting speckles in the carpet like constellations. I kind of felt like I was in space. Like the air was being sucked out of my lungs, uncomfortable and frightening. I wanted him on top of me, not standing across the room with his arms crossed, a hard look on his face.

"Rae. Look at me."

I gave in. I looked up at that beautiful face, trying not to let the tears pool over. Have you ever played that game where you've cried so much that eventually you just see how long you can actually hold it in?

"You gotta tell me what's wrong. I thought- I thought we were really great and then.. We just weren't." His voice was thick and a little raspy. If he didn't seem so sad I would have thought it was sexy. I made him sad. I did this to him.

"Somethin happened. My friend Tix, from the hospital. She uh." Dammit. Two minutes. Almost beat my record. "She died."

Finn is immediately on the bed beside me. "Oh fuck, Rae." The tears are rolling down my face now. The new make-up Chloe got me for our "crazy night of shagging" is running down my face. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I shook my head. "Because I'm not supposed to be sad anymore. I'm supposed to be better, I'm supposed to be happy, I have a boyfriend that looks at me the way a proper boyfriend should, I have friends, and an almost normal family now. I can't go back to the sad, I can't go back to that fuckin hospital!"

"You won't. I'm here to help ok? But you can't push me away, Rae. You gotta let me. I don't know a lot but you can help me understand. I just want to be here for you. I love ya." It was the second time he'd said it.

"But it isn't your job Finn. I go to a therapist, I go to a group, you don't want this. Don't pity me."

"Rae stop it." I looked up, my chest clenched. "Quit telling me how I feel, because you can't read my mind. I'm not pitying you. You know me. Am I one to change who I am for anyone? You're hilarious and you're beautiful and I'm just glad you want to be with me as much as I want to be with you."

The anger boils under my skin. "Stop being an idiot! Look at me!" I gesture to my large body, hoping to emphasize. "I am fat. And you're beautiful. Guys like you don't go for girls like me. You boys date girls like Chloe. Don't you see the way they look at us? I don't want them to make fun of you like they make fun of me. You don't deserve it."

His mouth scrunches up in disgust, like he smelled something rotten. "And you fuckin' do?" I look down and rake my hands on my thighs, rubbing the scars mindlessly. "If anyone doesn't deserve this shit, it's you. And why the hell would I settle for Chloe when you're here?!" Tears brimmed his eyes and he touched my face. "I want you to love yourself as much as I love you. But I can't make you do that. You have to yourself. I just want you to know I'm here when it's tough and you feel alone. I never want you to feel alone."

I breathe for a moment. I don't want to have another freak out. Not here, not now. "Thank you. I'm going to try. But I want you to know, I'm gonna fuck up sometimes. I won't stop trying, though. I will get better." I give him a small smile and he bites his bottom lip.

"Of course you will. You're Raemundo." I smile wide and laugh. I'm really starting to like that name.

Both of us with tears in our eyes, I took his hands in mine. "You really are beautiful, Finn."

He lets out a breathy laugh and shakes his head. "You really do say the craziest things. Don't ever stop."


End file.
